Battling Inner Demons

June 12, 2019

I've been feeling really drawn to create these scenes where someone is being attacked by a multi-armed critter and it's probably some subconscious shit about how I really feel deep down. Like I'm being attacked by multiple different things at once; rude comments that have gotten stuck in my head, crippling self doubt, self comparison, and my  list could go on and on. But the outcome isn't terrible, because as you can see in the illustration the woman character stabs the tentacles and saves herself! 




I guess I've been doing that "stabbing" more and more often these days as I work on maintaining a healthy mental state... which hasn't been easy. It's been hard because over the past year I've gone through a lot of shit that I let get to me; failed moves back and forth across country, people online making rude comments about me, being told I'm a terrible artist, a full blown mental breakdown *not from the mean comments lol, but the crushing reality of my life* , watching my shop slowly lose more and more sales, losing hundreds of dollars worth of product in the mail, and then gradually being squashed by the IG algorithm to the point I wondered if I'd be better off deleting my account and starting fresh. Lol.... <--- like, uncomfortable laughing out loud.


I don't blame anyone or anything, life just has a weird way of being really terrible sometimes, for no apparent reason. I'm not mad anymore, I'm at peace... or at least working on becoming more at peace with most of the shit that's gone down over the past year. These hardships have  gotten me to start meditating, I'm exercising daily,  and doing more research into the brain and emotions and different therapies and researching the hell out of anxiety and mental illnesses. Sooo. I mean, I'm utilizing the bad and trying to make something good out of it by learning and changing directions in many ways and becoming stronger as a person. This is my version of "stabbing the tentacles".


I wanted to share this stream of thought because all too often we see the highlight of someone's life online, and now that i'm at a better place I'm more comfortable talking about the rough patches I've gone through. And also I wanted to share a little bit of the deeper inspiration behind the work I've been making. Sometimes on IG I'm just inclined to share the image without saying much about what inspired me to create it or how I'm feeling, but that's why I have this blog space I guess! Haha, okay, I'm done rambling.





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